mattbohall

Let the record show, before the jokes begin: mattbohall has scored 6,825 points, more than any manager in the history of this league. More than the champions. More than the 14-0 team's owner. Nobody has put more production onto a fantasy field than this man. His record is 22-34, the worst among every four-year member, and he has never made the playoffs. Both of those sentences are true at once, and together they constitute the strongest known evidence that this league is administered by a hostile god.

The numbers are genuinely eerie. The schedule-luck math says Matt has finished below his deserved win total in every season of his career — every single one — including the official league record for the unluckiest season ever (2022: 3-11 with the scoring profile of a 6-8 team). The 2024 season was the masterpiece of the curse: Matt outscored the entire league in the regular season — more points than the #1 seed, more than the eventual champion — went 7-7, and watched the playoffs from his couch. The league's top-scoring team of 2024 did not make the 2024 playoffs. Read that twice.

He drafts well (Brock Bowers in the eighth round), he scores relentlessly, he beats Hornbucket69 like it's a paid subscription (6-2 lifetime), and none of it matters, because the schedule is out to get him and always has been. Every league has a manager whose gravestone will read "deserved better." Ours has receipts. If the luck ever turns — even to neutral, even for one season — the rest of this league should be very, very afraid.